Friday, August 24, 2007

Beginnings and Endings

So . . . in 12 days I will be starting school again. Before that I will begin the process of building up a Bible study again. And tomorrow I leave for our Leadership weekend, where we'll plan and prep for the year.

All these are beginnings, but far more weighty is the fact that in less than nine months, I will be done with college. A far different type of beginning. I've started school before (16 times!). I've led a Bible study before. I've been on retreats. But, I've never faced a situation with such an indefinite conclusion. What happens when there are no more years after senior?

I often refer to people that are out of school and have jobs and have health insurance (sometimes) and seemingly have some grip on what they are doing with their lives as "real people". Madison specifically has been called "70 square miles surrounded by reality" (for different reasons) but I think this might be the world that many, if not most, college students live in. There's something not quite real about this and I'm not sure what it is.

I'm an adult, but I'm not. I'm independent, but I'm not. I'm in control, but I'm not. My life is a collection of contradictions and is starting to sound like a Green Day song (which its not).

And overwhelming cloud above me asks "What's next?" and I'm not OK with not having an answer to that . . .

At the moment, my best answer is this: I'm gonna cling to the God that has a path, loves me enough to show me a direction, and will never leave me. I'm gonna stand on the precipice ready to leap and take a chance on this God and where he's moving.