Wednesday Night Stories: The Finger Candle

1718 Van Hise Avenue.

That house is legendary.

I could easily fill a months worth of posts discussing it: My first apartment, the roommates, the decor, the mini golf course in the basement, the amatuer horror filmmaking, bathtubs full of cereal, semi-functioning heat, and live chickens. Great apartment!

But tonight, one story deserves particular attention, especially so because I have video evidence of it.

My friend Dave is a legend in his own right. He once ate nothing but mashed potatoes for a two week period, he can play JoJo's "Leave (Get Out)" flawlessly on guitar (with background vocals), and he was my first college friend (also a legendary story).

Though his education gives him no right, Dave has studied economics, philosophy, and public policy, he really wants to create. Whether this be mixed media artwork (visual arts), learning women's salsa dance moves (performance art), or invention of ingenious products (engineering "art"). While we were living on Van Hise Ave he came up with several inventions the most ground breaknig of them being: the finger candle.

As best as we can piece together, this was the thought process . . .

Flashlights are SO inconvenient . . . you can never find them . . . they are never near you . . . then when you do need them . . . the batteries are dead.

But you know what is always near you? Do you know what is convenient? Do you know what has a battery system fueled by mitochondria? Your fingers.

So Dave found a piece of string and lit every candle in the house. Soon he had a nice pool of hot melted wax going and was ready to create. So, placing the string against his finger (to act as the wick) he started dripping hot burning wax onto his index finger.

Here is a small portion of the process:

This process took a good chunk of the afternoon, but Dave was determined and "convenience" was worth great sacrifice of time.

Eventually Dave was ready for his first attempt but the string he chose to make his wick ended up as non-flammable, so a wick replacement operation was undertaken.

After a few minutes, Dave was ready for attempt number two.

While the NCAA Tournament Selection Show played in the background, Dave lit his finger candle and this was the result:

My favorite is to listen to all the comments in the background.

Unfortunately, there were two great flaws that prevented the finger candle phenomena from taking off. (1.) Leaving a trail of wax everywhere you go. (2.) Inevitably burning yourself only to be found in the dark again.

But here's to trying!

What's your greatest invention?