Some of the things you learn living overseas stick with you long after you've returned home.
Some are simple to explain (a love of cilantro), some are more complex (intentionally running behind buses).
In the language I spoke in East Asia there is no perfect translation for the word "yes" their word is more akin to "correct" or "right", I recently noticed that, especially on the phone, when asked a yes/no question, I almost always answer with "Correct" rather than "Yes." I've been back in America for over 20 months and I just noticed that this week.
Further, I have lost the ability to speak Spanish. I was never anywhere near fluent or even conversational in Spanish, but still with 5-plus years of the language one would hope I could at least complete a sentence, but I can't. Two words in, everything turns to East Asian (and I'm not a standout speaker of that language either).
Notably, I've held onto some behaviors related to the cultural practice of "saving face." East Asian culture is based on shame and honor (Western culture is generally more driven by guilt/punishment), so there is a huge emphasis on not dishonoring yourself or another person. The way this most obviously plays itself out is in everyday mistakes.
If the English translation on the menu is brutally misspelled, usually no one would dare to call out the owner. That may bring shame on them.
One time, I rather violently (though very much accidentally!) ran into (or over) another biker and he ended up on the ground.
I hit him pretty hard.
I'm pretty sure he was hurt.
But, he immedietly started apologizing to me and just as quickly was back on his bike heading down the road, with his left ankle not looking quite right. It was a case where being injured would have been potentially dishonoring for both of us. For me, as the aggressor, and him, as the victimized one, so instead he pretended everything was fine and continued on.
And in accordance with my Western mindset, I immediately felt guilty and wanted to make it up to him, but he was slowly (and leaning to the left) biking away.
If your waiter drops a plate and it breaks, you don't offer to help. Sometimes (but not always) other employees won't even help. Further, though, you don't even look in the direction of the crashing plates sound.
After a couple months, I had trained myself to quickly turn my head away from my impulse glance and represe the double-take. After about 6 months an entire tray of dishes could have dropped behind me and I would not so much as blinked an eye all the while continuing my conversation.
And I pass this "benefit" onto waitstaff today. When I hear a glass shatter, I nearly always will "honor" the employee by not looking over my shoulder. Then my second reaction will be the want to rebuke everyone else at the table for looking.
Seriously, it's an issue. I will be carefully fixing my eyes on a spot on the wall to avoid looking at the catastrophe while conducting a dialog in my head about the rudeness of the onlooking gawkers.
I know, I too am excited that I just used gawkers.
2 comments:
I looked up the English dictionnary, but can't find a translation... what does it mean ? :)
Hey Marc! I was reading this post to my friend, Dinda, and she made a rather good point: while commenting how much she likes this idea of not embarrassing people even further by staring, she wonders about the danger of people translating this action into the church. If we look away at others' mistakes in order to not dishonor them further, there is no accountability, and we would fail as a body and in the use of the Word for "reproof, for correction, and for instruction in righteousness."
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